i have wished for so long

2002-07-31 [ 02:15 am ]
Here is a picture I have had for a little while, that I thought really sucked, and it really might...

But there is just something about it, I think, if you look closely, that suggests speed, and perhaps controlled recklessness.

I am so far beyond what I ever thought I was capable of one month ago; single, motivated, long haired...

It's nice, but it's weird, I wonder if I am missing anything, like passing by the incredibly curious emu farm to my right, or the crumbling silo to my left.

No matter how fast I am travelling down the road, I always want to get off of it, and explore a little. I think that is important.

It was about a year ago, and I was in Nova Scotia, and Chad and I were driving down the coast having cigarettes, coffee, and generally the best times of our lives.

I was having some sort of spiritual breakthrough, because when we left to leave, I was so fucked up... I kept on singing "Wish You Were Here" by Incubus, like some sort of hip-ass mantra.

It was what made me realize I wanted to be with Kim forever, at that point...

And even if that never came to fruition, it was still so good to be sure about something like love...

Here I am tonight preaching about self-responsibility (in conversations away from here), and I really feel that I have nothing solid in my life anymore to put faith in. My love has burned out, my creativity seemingly (for now) faded away and no sorts of practical crutches to lean on. (Except alcohol of course, baybee!!! ...kidding)

So what then? I might as well take a shotgun to my temple, eh? But of course I am much too proud, much too preachy.

I have life, and friends, and some sort of health... I have my mp3s, and my inspiration, the means with which to ressurect my creativity.

I just have to think of that as being enough for a 21 year old. For I am still early on the long road...

Yes, 'For' indeed... Stallion ho! Clip clop, clip clop, clip clop, clip, clop. Clip clip. Clip clop. Clip clop... I am on my way... Clip clop... clip clop... clip clop... clip... clop... clip clop. Clip CLIP CLOP! The long road, WHOO!!!

photo by: kam2k