i don't know

2002-05-11 [ 01:35 am ]
I am just kind of sitting here listening to "Heroin" by Velvet Underground. I think one would be hardpressed to find a more invoking song... and though I've never done heroin, I can say I have a feeling as to how it feels.

It's late on a Friday night, and I am stone sober, and alone. Adjusting to this kind of lifestyle again wasn't as difficult as thought. But I think I might be numb. I should be feeling sad, and alone, I am just not. Maybe I am beyond those feelings at this age.

There is a 50s sci-fi film on Space that I have on mute. I just watched two episodes of Sex In The City.

I have to thank God for the bars, because somedays they would be the only things stopping me from jumping through, and in.

Which surely wouldn't be a suicide. A wound, maybe, of sorts. Being swept away, and purified by unbottled bottled water-like water flowing over me as I washed up on another drop of time.

I am working 14 hours on Monday in a combination of shifts from jobs I worked in high school. It ain't right.

photo by: kam2k