self portrate three

2002-03-27 [ 01:49 am ]
Fucking stupid pimpHAT admin. I just lost my whole entry, one which I thought was quite grand.

Anyhow, as I pitifully and bitterly try to recapture that fucking star I just shot into cyberspace, ostensibly into the brick wall that is the fatal fucking error, I am here, and I am going to set the wayback machine to 1998.

Not literally. My wayback is broken. But in my mind, that is how I am going to write. It is the fresh art of the "retro-gaze", back again to entertain you, and me, complete with obscure references and random bits of profanity like Cid Highwind on a motherfucking rocket powered mechanical bull. Hey girl, hey boy, superstar DJ, HERE WE GO:

It should be quite obvious, if you have been reading, that I am not happy with where I am. I mean, I am not UNhappy, just unsatisfied, I guess. I feel like my life could be more meaningful.

As such, I am considering taking a year off school next year, again. When I tell people this, they look upon me with scorn, as if I am defying my covenant with God, or something. They look at me as if to say "you shouldn't do that", and I look back in their ignorant eyes and say "tell me why".

It is my belief that if you hate school, yet subject yourself to it, you are wasting copious amounts of time and money, and breaking apart your soul. It is a torture test, really. Why do you think students drink so much? To escape the dissatisfaction of their meaningless lives. In the drunk world, they feel like they ARE someone. I do it. I am doing it right now.

(I AM much more bitter this time around)

At my core, I despise wasting things. I feel as if I need to learn how exactly to be excited for the privelidge that is education again. Such a wonderful thing should not be taken for granted. And that is what I might end up doing, learning how to want it.

I know there are people out there who understand me, and I thank you for not being so presumptuous. I thank your confidence in me. You know who you are...

But to those of you who have doubts, and think I am about to do something wrong, remember this: what is right for you, is not always right for me. You do not rule my world. Believe me here, and I won't have you vanquished when I rule YOUR world someday. Someday soon.

---

Right, it's long, it's rambly, it's mildly incoherent, it's -stargazing-, BAYBEE~! What did you think of that, Pete?

Yeah, you might be right. Go to overKILL for more retro Kam komedy.

Oh, and sorry for the picture. Sometimes I like to play dirtbag, anti-rock rockstar Barbie.

photo by: kam2k